I’ve had a bout of “the mean reds” off and on this past week; I chalk it up to February. Even though we haven’t had much of a winter here in South Jersey, I am really looking forward to the spring; to things sprouting from the earth; to sitting outside with the warm sun on my face; to that general sense of possibility again.

But first we have to get through the rest of February, and this year, as if to chafe my already sensitive mood, we get an extra day of this beast; sort of like an unwanted houseguest that just announces, last minute, “I’m gonna stay on an extra night; that cool with you, bro?” No, February. No, it is most certainly not cool with me.

Before/after class today, I made a quick self-esteem chart for the last week. At first I thought to use Excel, but then I remembered that I don’t really know how to use spreadsheets. I also remembered how much I love rulers and the tactile frisson of connecting dots on graph paper.

Self-esteem chart (2/20/12–2/29/12)

Making this chart made me feel immeasurably better. I don’t think I’ve done this sort of antique x/y-plotting since high school math.

I also realize that part of this current weight of insecurity might be lightened if I get a haircut; I really need a haircut. I haven’t gotten my hair cut since –– oh, ’round Christmas, I guess. Last year, I just got lazy/restless and let it grow out (see Fig. 1).

Fig. 1. "The British are coming!"

Not this year –– even if I do have to wait until spring break at this point; hairs will be cut.

Coda:

On Saturday, whilst entertaining a wuthering snap of these seasonal doldrums, I texted my sister for a quick pep-talk.

(I love these exchanges with my sister. We would have made such fine existentialists.)

In closing: February, I will not miss you.

Good day to you.